Last week I had a follow-up CT scan of from my neck to my pelvis and I found out on Tuesday that everything is still clear & cancer-free. My oncologist explained that I do have a slightly enlarged lymph node though. He explained that the PET scan they did on me back in December, right after I finished all treatment, was negative for cancer. So one thing they check for with the CT scans is to make sure that lymph node doesn't get any bigger. If it stays the same size, even though it's "enlarged," it's most likely just scar tissue. If it would get any bigger compared to its size on the PET scan, then they would have to check into it further. The nurse practitioner also went over my lab results and explained how various counts have returned to the normal range after treatment or are on their way - all good signs. The list of what they test from that vial of blood they take was huge. They also both ask the routine questions - how am I feeling? Any sickness? Any change in eating/sleeping/pooping? Any pain/tingling/numbness? How is my energy level? It's basically 5 minutes of me answering "no" to every question. Overall, it was a pretty uneventful - but good - visit.
And now onto some random cancer related thoughts...
One thing you never have to think about until you have cancer - or some other life altering disease or condition - is how and when to tell people. It was heart wrenching to tell people when I first found out I had it. I'm not sure I handled it the best in hindsight - I probably should have waited to tell most people until I knew how bad it truly was and what the treatment plans were. But now that I'm in remission, telling people that don't already know I have it and what I went through has its own set of challenges. When I started my new job in January, I kept it to myself of course. But over time, you make friends with people and I found myself having to purposely think of how to word things in general conversation based on the fact that the person doesn't know that I have cancer. I knew eventually I would have to tell someone, but when is the "right" time to bring it up? How would they react? Would they think I was lying to them this whole time? Am I going to ruin their day?
About two months ago I told one of my co-workers who I am friends with and it was a big relief. We eat lunch together every day and it was just getting annoying trying to tiptoe around the elephant in the room of my head. He thanked me for telling him and I'm glad I did. Last week, I told another co-worker. This time, I felt some pressure. I knew I was having a CT scan and that I would post something about it on Facebook, which he would be able to see. I didn't think someone seeing a Facebook post about still being cancer-free is an appropriate way for someone to find out. So I told him at lunch. It's still a hard conversation to start. You don't just want to spring it on someone - "I have cancer." Their mind will probably immediately think that you are dying. So I wanted to break it gently, but even that builds up to sounding bad. "I have something that I want to tell you." "I'm not sure how to say this." "I just want to first say that I'm OK." I think I'm just going to print up some business cards to hand out when the time is right. "Sorry to break it to you like this, but I have cancer. I'm OK. I went through chemo and radiation last year and I'm now in remission. If there is anything specific you'd like to ask, please do."
I once heard that Hallmark has a card for every occasion. Well, I now know that it's true. I was looking at greeting cards at Kohl's recently and I came across a small section of cards to give to people with cancer. There were only 4 of them, but it was interesting to see them nonetheless. They were your basic cheer you up, get well soon type card, but a bit more humorous and clearly aimed at cancer and related issues like the side-effects of chemo or whatnot. I'm glad they make them because having cancer and going through treatments can leave you lonely and depressed and I wish more people knew about them so they could brighten a loved one's day. In addition to Kohl's, they are available online here and probably most Hallmark stores.
Pretty soon it will be time once again to start fundraising for the Light The Night Walk. I'm still hoping more people join our team. I registered a couple months ago, sent email invites and posted it on Facebook, but so far, there are only a few people signed up. Not sure why everyone is waiting. I hope they had a good time last year and found it worthwhile. I was hoping our team would grow to be even larger this year and I even stretched our team's goal to $5000! I hope that wasn't just wishful thinking. To anyone reading this blog, please consider signing up to walk & fundraise and/or making a donation.
