Let me start at the beginning...

So far the year of 2009 has been pretty crappy for me. I was permanently laid off from my job of nearly six years in February due to the bad economy. I have probably applied at upwards of 30 jobs, mostly all of which I'm qualified for, yet nobody is even calling me for a phone interview. In early May, my severance ran out and I began collecting unemployment. Luckily my wife, Maria, has a good full-time job and we both get our health insurance is through her employer.

Then on May 10th, Mother's Day, I woke up with a giant lump on the left side of my neck. My first thought as I looked in the mirror was "am I getting fat on one side of my face?" That quickly changed as I felt around on my neck with my fingers and found a giant egg shaped lump under the skin. As someone who always fears the worst when it comes to health, I was immediately scared. Right away my mind went to "cancer." It wasn't there the day before as far as I had noticed. (Now weeks later as I look back at photos from the previous week, I can see that I had the lump prior to Mother's Day. I'm not sure how I didn't notice it previously, especially when shaving, but I didn't.)

Pretty quickly I called my doctor's office to see if I could talk with an on-call doctor, but I was connected to a nurse-line. She made it seem that I could wait until the next day to see my doctor, I didn't need to go to urgent care or the ER.

On Monday, May 11th, I saw my primary care physician. He felt around and pressed on the lump in my neck and said it was most likely an infected lymph node. He did not think it would be cancer since that takes time to appear, not all of a sudden like my node did. I got a shot of antibiotics in the doctor's office and a prescription for Augementin XR to begin taking immediately.

The next day I saw my doctor again for follow-up. I knew nothing had changed and he agreed. He said we should give the antibiotics a few more days to see if they start helping.

On Thursday, May 14th, I took my wife to see my doctor because she had a very bad cold and her doctor (at the same clinic) was off that day. My doctor saw my neck and noticed that nothing had changed so he ordered up a CT scan of my neck to see if it was a cyst or something causing the swelling. I went for the CT that afternoon and my doctor called me with the results only a couple hours later. The CT scan showed multiple swollen lymph nodes, including one bigger one approximately 4cm x 6cm in size. The CT did not show them why they were swollen, so he referred me to a general surgeon.

On Tuesday, May 19th, I saw the general surgeon. He did some quick pressing on my neck, as well as under my arms and in my groin - since those are other common places for lymph nodes to swell. He asked questions about pain, night sweats, dramatic loss of weight and other things, none of which I had experienced. He talked to another doctor in the clinic and determined I should have a core needle biopsy to determine the cause. Although he stated that cancer normally shows up over time, not suddenly like I experienced, it was a concern since multiple lymph nodes were affected.

During the next week was when I was really starting to worry it was going to be cancer. The surgeon's words about cancer being "a concern" really made me believe that was going to be what it was. On Thursday, May 21st, I attended the graduation ceremony at MATC. I was nearly done earning an Associate Degree in Marketing, with the remaining two courses scheduled for over the summer. It really sucked that I had this giant lump on my neck for all of the photos of me in my cap and gown.

On Wednesday, May 27th, I went for the biopsy. I heard the doctor performing the biopsy tell someone from the lab that I had one large egg shaped lymph node and two or three that were golf ball sized. He numbed the area where the biopsy was taking place and took five to six samples using a core needle. I was awake during the procedure, lying perfectly still on the table hoping I didn't have cancer. After the biopsy was over, the lump in my neck swelled even larger and for the first time, hurt. Maria and I joked that "they angered it." The swelling went down by Friday and the pain was mostly gone. The doctor that performed the biopsy said results normally take two days, however they have to do some special tests for me, so it would probably be three or four days - after the weekend.

During the week of my biopsy, Maria took off a few vacation days to spend with me and to try and have a little fun. We went on the Miller Brewery tour and ate at Saz's State House which we had never been to before. On Friday, May 29th, we went to the Racine Zoo. We're such animal lovers and we enjoy going to different zoos. We we're having a great time. Our day at the zoo was almost over when I got a call from the surgeon. I put my cell phone on speaker so Maria could listen as well. The results of the biopsy were in. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma. CANCER! I started sobbing immediately. All I could say to the doctor as "OK" to everything he told me. He did say that Hodgkin's has a high success rate and that my cancer is in a very treatable location. He was going to refer me to an oncologist. Because it was Friday afternoon, I wouldn't hear anything until Monday. Maria just held me in her arms while I cried in the middle of the zoo. I also cried all the way out of the zoo, most of the walk back to the car, and for a few minutes in the car.

We were already planning to stop by my mom's work after the zoo so Maria could get a haircut. I knew I had to tell my mom right away. I didn't want to tell her while she was working but I knew that there really isn't a good time to tell your mom that you have cancer. On our way from Racine to South Milwaukee where my mom works, we stopped at a gas station for something to drink. My throat was sore from all the crying I think. I cried again in the car in the gas station parking lot. On the drive over, I used my phone to look up Hodgkin's Lymphoma on Wikipedia.

When we got to my mom's work, we sat in the car outside for a few minutes. I was trying to decide how I should tell my mom or if I should wait until she has a day off. I knew she had to continue to work all night and probably had to work the next morning, but I couldn't wait days to tell her. My mom took Maria to the back to rinse out her hair and I walked back there and told her by the shampoo sink. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. My mom started crying immediately, as did I. My mom called her husband and I told him the news as well. I told them both about what I had read online about the high success rate of treatment.

Once we left, I knew I should tell my dad next. He was at home so we drove straight there. My sister and her boyfriend were there along with my nephew who I hadn't seen in over a year. I didn't really feel comfortable telling everyone, especially since I rarely see my sister and nephew as is. I didn't want to ruin those few minutes we had together. After they left, I told my dad. He didn't cry and neither did I. He reacted about the way I expected. I think he said "this sucks" if I remember correctly. We ended up having a late dinner with my dad that night and talked about all sorts of things, not just cancer. It was nice.

Throughout the rest of the weekend I began telling family and friends the bad news. Some conversations were harder than others for whatever reason. For some people, I started crying when I began saying the words "I have cancer." I told some people in person, some over the phone and some via email. There are people I know that I still haven't told. At one point, Maria told me I had to stop telling people over the phone and switch to email because I was too upset and it was hard to deal with.

On Monday, June 1st I was anxious to hear from the surgeon. At this point everything had been through Columbia-St.Mary's, which is where my primary care physician is through. However, over the weekend I decided I wanted to go to the new Clinical Cancer Center at Froedtert Hospital. I've always heard good things about Froedtert and this new cancer center sounded like a nice place to receive treatment. I wasn't sure if the surgeon could refer me or if I had to start the process myself. I left a message for the surgeon (who was in surgery - go figure). I did get a call from the oncologist's office at Columbia-St. Mary's. She explained things to me and let me know that I would need to contact Froedtert myself to get things started. So that's what I did.

Throughout the week I dealt with anxiety and had a few minor panic attacks. I was so scared that the cancer had spread all over my body and that I was going to die. I didn't think that all day every day, but I did constantly think about the cancer in general.

On Thursday, June 4th I went to Froedtert for tests. Maria, my mom and step-dad all came along for support. I had blood drawn, a PET scan and a CT scan. It was a long day. I had to be done eating breakfast by 7am and couldn't eat again until after the tests, which ended up being around 4:30pm. The scans themselves are pretty easy, just time consuming. The scary part to me is all the radiation. For the PET scan, they injected radioactive stuff into my I.V. and of course a CT scan uses radiation to do what it needs to do.

I wasn't sure how much sleep I would get that night. I anticipated being too nervous or panicky, but I think the long day of tests really wore me out.

My first appointment with my oncologist was scheduled for Friday, June 2nd at 11am. I was very nervous and anxious. Of course they were running late. I probably got called in from the waiting room around 11:30am. Maria came in with me, while my mom and step-dad stayed in the waiting room. The nurse practologist was actually the one to give us the best news we could have hoped for - the cancer had not spread and is only located in my neck. She called it Stage 2 because multiple lymph nodes were affected. She talked to us about treatment and the side effects of the cancer drugs, ABVD.

After the nurse practologist, my actual oncologist came in. He checked out a few things and reiterated some of what the nurse said. He said that my cancer is stage 1A. The "A" means I don't show any of the symptoms of cancer. He said it may or may not be considered "bulky" due to the size. I asked him why he said it was Stage 1 when the nurse said Stage 2. He explained there isn't much difference between the two in my case because the affected lymph nodes are all one big mash. He said I could look at is as Stage 1A/2A.

He discussed treatment further and said the best plan for me is 3-4 cycles of chemotherapy (a cycle is actually two treatment sessions spread apart) followed by radiation therapy. So basically I will have chemo every two weeks for 3-4 months. I also need to have more tests done prior to starting treatment. I will need a bone marrow biopsy to ensure the cancer did not spread into my bone marrow and I will also need a MUGA scan to ensure my heart is healthy enough to receive chemotherapy. I also asked the oncologist about working during treatment as I think I'm close to being offered a job finally. He didn't seem to have a problem with it, the job may just have to work with me around treatments if I need time off to rest or be sick.

The rest of Friday and that weekend I was very relaxed. I almost felt as if I didn't have cancer. The results on Friday were just so relieving. Maria and I went out with friends on Saturday night to eat and drink, since my summer will be pretty sucky.

This past Monday, June 8th, I had the bone marrow biopsy and MUGA scan. The biopsy is not pleasant and I hope I never need one again. Although they numb the area well, they are basically attempting to get blood and bone marrow from inside your hip bone. The nurse practologist struggled a bit with me because I have hard bones. Good for me but bad for her. After the numbness wore off, that whole area hurt like hell. It hurt to walk or sit, but I managed. I even felt pain in other areas that I didn't previously. Even now a few days later, I still feel it, but not nearly as bad. It's definitely improving. The MUGA scan was easy in that it was just more lying still. The bad part is more radioactive stuff is injected into you. This time they took blood out, added radioactive material, then injected the blood back in.

Last night I began reading a book, recommended by Sarah, a new friend that is also dealing with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and chemotherapy treatments right now. The book is "Everything Changes: The Insider's Guide to Cancer in Your 20s and 30s" by Kairol Rosenthal.

So tomorrow is another big day. Tomorrow morning I will have a port put in that they will use to draw blood from and to facilitate the chemotherapy without having to stick me with needles and put in I.V.s every time. It took them FOUR times on Monday to find a suitable vein for an I.V.. That was a nightmare. Even though the thought of having to go under and have this port put in scares me, it will be much easier for all the treatments and blood work I will be having. Tomorrow afternoon I am scheduled to receive my first chemotherapy treatment. It should last around four hours. They will purposely make slow down this first treatment to help ensure I accept the drugs OK. Future treatments should take about three hours.

So today, the day before my first treatment, I do worry I will be in the small percent of people that treatment doesn't remove all of the cancer. I'm worried about the side effects of the chemo drugs, especially on my heart and lungs. I'm worried that the cancer will return or another form of cancer will show up later on. But at this point all I can do is hope for the best. I know I have a good support system around me and many family members and friends that are also hoping for the best.


A special thanks to my friend Jada for encouraging me to write this blog. She may be the only one who ends up reading it, but hopefully it will be an easy way to keep friends and family updated. I could just post my feelings on Twitter or Facebook for everyone to see, but I think I'd rather keep this separate.